Lila
by CommanderElsa
Summary: Shiara baby fluff. WARNING: May cause diabeetus. Femshep/Liara, Talibrations, Joker/Right hand Rated T for language and sexual humor.


**Wrote this a LONG time ago. Figured I should upload instead of letting it rot in my Doc folder. LOL. **

**Kate Shepard is not my Shepard. She's borrowed from a friend. This is fluff. Pure, humorous fluff. **

* * *

The sound of something dripping dragged her out of bed at one in the morning. It was the sink in the kitchen dripping. It pissed Kaitlin off, because now she was wide awake. One of the perks of surviving a war; insomnia. She decided to make hot chocolate, because A. Chocolate and B. Warm milk. It was something her mother used to do back on Mindoir when she'd been a kid. Make hot chocolate. She silently thanked Liara's goddess that she'd remembered to pick up fresh milk on her way back from the Council meeting regarding upgrades to the Mass Relay systems. Now that the Reapers were D.A.D. (Dead As Doornails), they'd decided to fix up as they repaired, so the relays would be more secure; the energy more contained.

Her eyes fell on the empty box the baby's crib had come in. They'd finally gotten it assembled this past weekend. Nothing like waiting until the last minute, but Kate had coerced Garrus, Kaidan and James to come help her. Garrus had proved useless, sitting on the couch and getting sucked into some Earth football game that was on the giant projector screen Kaitlin had installed in the living room. It really only proved that even non-human men were useless when you put sports in front of them.

Kaidan was easily the most efficient when it came to assembly. He and James had the crib up within a half hour, while Kate had provided them with beer and tossed some pork rinds in their direction. Not that Kaitlin couldn't put a damned crib together. Hell, she'd helped her Dad build a shed when she'd been fourteen. The problem was, she'd procrastinated putting the thing together for two months. It had just been sitting in the baby's room, waiting. Then, she'd looked up one day and Liara was ready to pop. She'd never say anything, but the whole fifteen month pregnancy thing was a little unnerving when you were part of a species that popped 'em out after nine. It made Kate antsy. Like the kid was going to pop out of Liara's mountainous belly like a blister.

Ehhh…

Of course, Kaitlin had never been big on the whole…childbirth thing. Something about pushing another person out of one's own body rubbed her the wrong way. Obviously, she appreciated the gesture, considering her own mother had done so to birth her, but she could honestly say she was sometimes glad dying and being brought back to life had rendered her sterile. And she didn't envy Liara's position at all, though she fully appreciated the effort.

The baby was healthy, according to the prenatal scans. She was big and there were no complications whatsoever, which had been a concern of the Asari midwife since Liara was so young. She'd explained that Liara having a baby at one hundred and ten years old was like a fifteen or sixteen year old human girl having a child, so there could have potentially been some complications. She'd also made a point to remind them that it was frowned upon for an Asari Maiden to have children, and had insisted they take some brochures on adoption. Which had infuriated Kaitlin, because Liara was an accomplished archaeologist with a Ph.D. Not to mention, Kaitlin wasn't exactly a child in terms of human years. She was thirty-three. (Or thirty-one if you didn't count the two years she'd been dead.)

What Liara _didn't_ know, was that Kaitlin had gone back to Huerta Memorial and had basically thrown her Spectre status in the midwife's face, stating that she was Commander Fucking Shepard and if she ever insulted her or Liara again, she'd make sure the damned woman never delivered another baby, Asari or otherwise. Since then, she'd been sweet as pie to Liara, plastering on a smile and a sugary tone. When Kaitlin had told Aethyta what she'd done, the Asari had commended her, giving her a free round. She'd told her that the midwife was an uptight old nag, with saggy tits and the personality of a foot. Kate really hadn't been able to argue there.

At least one thing had been relatively easy; picking out the name. Kaitlin honestly couldn't care if Liara had wanted to name the baby Pumpkin Flower Benezia Chicken-Beak. (Mercifully, Liara was kind and had picked out 'Lila'.) The name wasn't what Kaitlin was concerned with; it was the baby herself that mattered. Since her parents had passed on, and Anderson was gone, Kate had no family left. Well, she still had the Normandy crew, though Garrus was pretty involved with Tali, Kaidan had taken up with Miranda (of all people) and Joker was deliriously happy with his right hand.

But still, it had been a long time since Kate had any real family, and even though the thought of having a baby scared the living piss out of her, she was excited. Plus, she had Liara, who could pretty much handle anything. Liara wouldn't let her fuck it up. The woman deserved a Star of Terra for 'Dealing with Shepard's Shit' on a daily basis. And, where Kate wanted to punch every paparazzo she saw, Liara gracefully ignored them. (Although she certainly seemed to laugh when Kaitlin threw darts at Diana Allers' picture.)

The comforting smell of cocoa wafted through the air, calming Kate's nerves. Any second now…any second now…that seemed to be their mantra for the past few days. This time next week, there would be a baby in the house…well, hopefully.

"Shepard?" Liara's voice came as a soft murmur from the direction of the counter, making Kaitlin jump and reach for a gun that wasn't there.

"Shit!" She cursed, burning her finger on the electric stove. "You scared the Hell out of me…" She gasped, gripping the counter.

"I'm sorry…" Liara sighed, wincing miserably. Kaitlin felt bad instantly.

"You okay?"

"Oh…yes, well…I've just been having terrible pains in my lower back for the past few hours. I can't sleep." She slumped miserable, sinking into a nearby armchair. "The baby is very active."

"Insomnia," Shepard mused, "A trait she must get from me, considering you usually sleep like the dead."

"Hmmm," Liara replied, leaning against the back of the chair with her eyes closed.

"You want some hot chocolate?"

"Yes, Shepard, by all means…let's give the child sugar," Liara chuckled. "Thank you though."

"Hey, I'm just being nice," Kate returned, turning off the stove and pouring the hot cocoa into a mug. "You want anything? Some milk? A foot rub? Some sex to jump start labor?" This opened Liara's eyes. "I'm _kidding_, Liara."

"Oh…" She yawned, "_Hilarious."_

"I try," Kaitlin agreed, climbing into the armchair beside Liara and resting her chin on the Asari's shoulder. "You think I can use your belly as a table?" She asked, putting the mug atop the curve of Liara's protruding stomach.

"It might as well serve some practical purpose, other than making it impossible to wear anything besides your N7 sweats," Liara snickered, half-heartedly patting it.

"I'm so glad we can have family bonding time at one in the morning," Kate told her dryly, "But at least the old sweats are getting some wear."

"Perhaps too much." Liara demonstrated by showing Shepard the busted elastic of her sweatpants.

Kate waved her hand dismissively. "Eh, no biggie. I'll just order a new pair. The distributer always gives them to me free of charge." She took a long sip of the hot chocolate, grinning in contentment. "You sure you don't want a sip, Li?"

"I'm sure…" Liara murmured tiredly, resting her head back. "If I drink anything, I'll just end up in the bathroom for the rest of the—_oof!"_ She sat suddenly bolt upright, eyes wide.

"Liara?" Kaitlin's voice was low with concern as she set her half empty mug on the glass end table. Liara's eyes were squeezed closed, face set in a grimace. "Aw shit…_now?"_ Liara only nodded. "Damn it," Shepard snapped, carefully drawing out from under Liara and heading toward the bedroom to grab the packed bag and some shoes. She grabbed her Omni-Tool to call the hospital.

"Huerta Memorial," the receptionist's voice came.

"This is Commander Shepard," Kate said in her most authoritative tone, "Liara T'Soni and I are on our way there. She's in labor. Please alert Midwife Ceresia."

"Right away, Commander Shepard."

Kaitlin cut the line, pulling out the bag from the closet and vaguely remembering that it would probably be a good idea to put on a bra if she was going to be seen in public. That would be all she needed was Diana Allers broadcasting a new segment called "Shepard's Nipples" on her stupid show. A pair of slippers for Liara. Cross trainers for Kate, and her favorite hoodie. She shot an email to the crew, letting them know what was up. She ferociously ran a brush through her wild blonde hair, combing half of it up into a band.

Bag: Check.

Shoes: Check.

Bra: Check.

Now all they needed was the baby carrier and they'd be good to go. She paged an X3M cab and headed out to the living room, where Liara was – calm as ever – gathering things they'd need for the baby. Some clothes and a diaper bag.

"What are you doing?" Kaitlin cried, throwing everything on the ground and crossing over to Liara. "You don't need to be doing all of this."

"Goddess, Shepard," Liara mused, "It's going to be hours…no need to—" She paused, cringing, "—panic."

"Don't. Touch. _Anything._" Kate was beyond thought process, grabbing as much as she could handle and ushering Liara toward the front door.

Liara's blue eyes drifted toward the bedroom, "Perhaps I should go and inform—"

"_Out._ Now," Kaitlin ordered, nodding at the open door, where the cab was waiting.

"I suppose I should just be grateful you're not the one driving…" Liara muttered under her breath.

"Ha," Shepard answered mirthlessly, accepting help from the driver who put their things in the trunk. She climbed into the backseat of the cab, banging her head on the ceiling and swearing sharply.

"Huerta Memorial?" The driver said. Kaitlin nodded, clutching her aching forehead.

"Are you all right?" Liara asked, eyeing her warily.

"Really?" Kate stared at her in disbelief, "You're asking _me_ that?"

"Well,_ I'm_ not the one sweating and having a panic attack…" She pointed out, giving Shepard a deceptively innocent look.

"Huerta Memorial," The driver said, bringing the car to a halt and getting out to assist with the bags. "Thirteen credits."

"_Thirteen?"_ Kate cried, giving him the money and shaking her head. "I should have driven."

"For the sake of our child, I'd say thirteen credits is a small sacrifice," Liara gave the driver a grateful smile, half grinning at Shepard.

"Smart ass," She grumbled, though couldn't suppress a little smile of amusement as they moved into the building. A wheelchair was brought out for Liara and two orderlies took the bags and carrier to set them into the room Liara would be giving birth in.

Both women were checked in and given bracelets. It was policy for both parents to have bracelets with the same code encrypted and then the baby was given one as well immediately following birth. That way, the only people who could physically remove the baby from Huerta without sounding alarms would be the mother or father. Kaitlin had to wonder how her parents would have reacted to her being the baby's "father." It brought a wry smirk to her face, because her parents hadn't even known she was into girls. Hell, _she'd_ barely known. Then again, was Liara technically a _girl?_ Well, she had a pretty big rack that would indicate yes, she was.

They were halfway to Maternity when they saw a familiar face. Dr. Chakwas appeared, grinning as she fell into step with Shepard. "So, she's finally decided to come."

"Not a moment too soon," Liara agreed, casually relaxing in the wheelchair.

"Well, I'm glad you're both so damn calm," Kate lamented, rolling her eyes. "Meanwhile, I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack."

"Typical father," Karin laughed, patting Shepard's shoulder. "It will all be fine…Liara is a strong woman. Midwife Ceresia is the most skilled midwife on the Citadel."

"Hmmpf," She sulked as they reached the room and two Asari nurses moved about, helping Liara change her clothes. It never ceased to amaze her by the casual way Asari shed clothes. Nudity didn't faze them. Of course, why should it? There were no Asari men judging them or leering at their breasts.

(Just men of every _other_ sapient species. Bastards.)

Still, she didn't appreciate anyone else ogling Liara's breasts other than her. Pregnant or not.

Once settled into the bed, Liara obediently did as instructed as the midwife examined her and made a sound of surprise. "Liara, how long have you been having contractions?"

"Well, the fluids broke a little under an hour ago," The Asari serenely explained, "But other than some back pain…"

"When did the back pain start?" Ceresia fired sharply, making Kaitlin bristle with anxiety.

"Is something wrong?" She barked, half chewing on a fingernail.

"No," The midwife sighed, "But Liara is nearly fully dilated. Those back pains you've been having must have been labor pains. The baby will be here within the next hour or two."

"_What?"_ Kate's eyes turned accusingly on Liara. "Well? How long?"

"Since yesterday," She admitted sheepishly. "I didn't want to worry you."

"_Liara!"_

"Up for some company?" A jovial voice came from the door, making Kaitlin turn to see Garrus standing there with what she surmised was a shit eating grin on his scarred face.

"Go to hell."

"Ah, thank the Goddess," Liara sighed, "Garrus, go take Shepard for a drink. She's driving me insane with her pacing."

Shepard's eyes widened. "Like _hell…_I'm not going _anywhere!"_

"Oh yes you _are,"_ Garrus' hands settled on her shoulders, pushing her toward the door. "They'll let us know if the baby is coming. Besides, the guys are all in the waiting room. Joker even managed to tear himself away from his new Quarian porno long enough to come down and see you."

"Oh _Gawd,"_ Kate groaned, cringing and looking back at Liara, who was fighting laughter.

"I'll just wait here!" She called after them.

True enough, the guys were all accounted for. James stood to the side, distracted; Cortez was there with his new boyfriend, Kaidan and Miranda huddled anxiously together, while Joker lounged across two chairs chatting up Tali, sans face mask.

"…I'm just saying. If we'd known you Quarian chicks looked like…_that…_well, you'd have been beating men off of you."

"That's what I'm here for," Garrus quipped, brushing past Kate and placing a hand on Tali's shoulder. She didn't think she'd ever get used to seeing Tal's face out in the open. The suit was still a necessity, but at least she could communicate without a voice comm.

"Lucky bastard," Joker grinned up at him. Kaitlin rolled her eyes, removing his hat and ruffling his shortly cropped hair before tossing it back in his lap. _"Hey!"_ He yelped.

"How is she, Commander?" Kaidan inquired sincerely, moving toward her.

"_She's _great…" Kate muttered, shaking her head. "Me? I'm not holding up well. I'm the worst birthing partner ever."

"I'm sure it will all be fine," Miranda inserted benignly, patting her arm.

"Gentlemen," Garrus began, winking at Tali, "And ladies," he added, looking at Joker, "Crack open the whiskey." Kaidan pulled out a bottle of whiskey as Garrus withdrew a flask. "This one's for us," he told Tali, referring to Turian safe booze. She rolled her eyes, but smiled.

"Men," she huffed, but the smile did not leave her face.

The drinks were poured into little medicine cups that someone had obviously pilfered from the hospital supply.

"To Shepard and Liara's little bundle of ammo," Garrus toasted, laughing heartily and earning an icy glare from both Kate and Miranda.

"Classy, Garrus," Kaitlin growled, downing the shot and holding out the cup to Kaidan for another, relishing the burning sensation in her chest. Nothing beat a good Canadian whiskey.

"Can I see her?" Tali asked, hopefully, quickly checking her vitals with her health monitor.

"Yeah," Kaitlin nodded, "I'm sure she'd love to have someone sane to talk to." She pointed down the hall. "Second door on the left."

"So, did you guys ever get the drawers stocked in the baby's room?" James asked, taking another drink.

"Yeah. I finally bit the bullet yesterday." Shepard sank into a chair and stared at the floor. "The only thing left to put in it is the kid."

"Wow, sound _more_ excited," Joker cracked, refusing a refill on his drink and setting the medicine cup aside.

"It just a big fucking deal," Kate groaned. "I haven't had parents in seventeen years. God knows I'm going to screw it up."

"No you won't," Miranda assured her, "If anyone would be a great parent, it's you."

"You're practically a parent to all of _us _already," Joker added with a smirk. "How did we turn out?"

Kate stared blankly at him for a moment. "Well shit, the kid is screwed," she mumbled, but laughed anyway. "Alright kids, I better get back in there. Miranda, make sure these guys—" She gave Joker and Garrus a pointed look, "—don't get into any trouble."

"I'm _offended,_" Joker countered, clutching his chest.

"You'll get over it," Shepard laughed, patting Garrus' cheek.

"It's gonna be okay, you know." He told her. She managed a smile.

"Thanks, Vakarian."

Tali was sitting in the chair beside the bed, talking to Liara about baby clothes. "I can't wait until she's a little bigger and we can dress her up. Can you imagine Garrus in a tiara?"

"I'd pay to see that," Shepard agreed, stepping into the room. Liara's eyes turned on her.

"Better?"

"Well, I'm not worse," she chuckled. "I'll live. How are you?"

"It hurts, but it's all going to be worth it. Asari can't take pain medication for birth…it can affect the baby's mind melding and biotic abilities."

"Yeah, I read that in the Asari version of 'What to Expect When You're Expecting'," Kate smirked.

"Well, I'd better get going," Tali said apologetically, as Ceresia entered the room again with a determined look on her face. "Good luck, Shepard. Liara."

"Thanks," they called after her.

After a short peek, the midwife nodded knowingly, glancing up at them. "It's time."

Kate felt her entire body tense up, but she tried (and failed) to remain casual and offered her hand to Liara, who was still calm, damn her. Kaitlin had always faced insurmountable odds. She'd singlehandedly held off a Batarian invasion while on shore leave on Elysium; she'd defeated the fucking Reapers for chrissakes. But something about a baby coming out of someone's lower region was just…frightening. And yet, she couldn't tear her eyes away. (Especially when the crests appeared…_that_ was an eye opener.) Kaitlin glanced around the room, silently praying to the gods to give her a paper bag to breathe into.

_Fuck this shit. _

And then, it was over. The baby fell easily into the midwife's waiting hands and let out a sharp cry. In the future, Kate would have blurry memories of cutting the umbilical cord and watching in muted awe as the baby was weighed and cleaned and clothed. It would eventually be a running joke, even after their second and third child, that one little blue baby girl could render the great, immoveable Commander Shepard speechless.

Before Liara, before Saren and Eden Prime; even before the Normandy, Kate had never had a desire to have kids. She wasn't even sure she _liked_ them; Loud, obnoxious little brats with dirty hands and faces who didn't listen. Now, she couldn't imagine not having this kid, who she'd barely gotten a glimpse of before.

_Lila._

Little Pumpkin Flower Benezia Chicken-Beak was definitely worth the wait. It was kind of funny, because the distinct crests that all Asari had were nothing but little baby nubs on the back of the baby's head. They brought her back over, swaddled and diapered, though she was still fussing. Shepard could really only stare at her. She suddenly felt like a Krogan in a glass room. How could she hold something that fragile in her hands without breaking it?

The decision was made for her, as Liara practically thrust the kid into her arms, all sturdy limbs and wide eyes. She wasn't fragile. Breakable yes, but Kate wasn't afraid anymore. At least, she wasn't afraid of hurting the baby. Screwing her up? Hell yes, she was afraid of that, but she figured Liara could handle that. She seemed to be natural at the mothering thing after three whole minutes of it.

"Well," Kaitlin mused, quirking a brow at Liara, "She has your hair."

The Asari looked confused. "What? But, Shepard, we don't—"

"I'm kidding with you," She laughed, giving her the baby. "Nice work, T'Soni. God knows, I couldn't have handled that."

"You sell yourself short, Shepard," Liara mused, laying her head back against the pillow with her lips against the baby's forehead. "I think you would have been just fine."

"I guess we'll never know," Kate chuckled, shaking her head and wiping at her eyes. It was just after five in the morning. Her mind drifted to the crew, out in the waiting room. She hoped they hadn't caused too much of a commotion.

Her _other_ babies.

"I should probably go let everyone know she's here," Shepard told Liara. "Will you be okay?"

"I think I can manage," Liara agreed, giving her a smile. Kate stooped down and brushed a quick kiss to her lips, before doing the same to the baby's cheek.

To her surprise, they were all asleep except for Miranda, sprawled over the chairs and benches. It made her snicker. Clearing her throat, she watched them all scramble to wake up, rubbing their eyes.

"_Bosh'tet,_ Vakarian!" Tali cried, smacking his chest. His eyes flew open. "I told you not to let me sleep! I was supposed to monitor my vitals thirty minutes ago."

"You said nothing about _me_ sleeping, Tal," he muttered, blinking up at Shepard in exhaustion. He nudged Joker's foot with his.

"Quit playing footsy with me, Garrus…I thought we agreed to do that in private from now on," he sighed, rubbing his face.

"Do we have a baby?" Miranda asked hopefully, clasping Kaidan's hand in hers. He wrapped his arm around her, meeting Shepard's eyes.

"We have a baby," Kate confirmed, ignoring the fact that she was still wearing a stupid grin on her face. "She's a little on the smaller side by asari standards, but very healthy and _very _vocal."

"She gets that from you," Joker told her.

"We got you something too, _Lola,"_ James inserted, sharing a look with Cortez. They produced three things:

A cigar.

A T-Shirt that said "Proud Papa".

A tiny model sniper rifle with a tag that read: _Baby's First Sniper Rifle…From Uncle Garrus._

"Oh, delightful, Vakarian," Shepard laughed. "Liara is going to _love_ that."

"When can we see the little _veilah?"_ Tali asked excitedly.

"As soon as I get the go ahead from the midwife, I'll let you guys know," Kate clutched the gifts in her hands, feeling a little overwhelmed by love for these people. _Her_ people. "I just, ah…I want you guys to know that I really…ya know."

"Yeah, yeah…" Joker waved her off, "Don't get sappy. You're making us ill. You love us. We got it."

"Even you, you big perv," Kate grinned, kissing the top of his head. "Asshole."

"Right back atcha, you crazy bitch."

"Hey now, let's leave the name calling for Jack," Kaidan chuckled, looking down at Miranda, who sighed. "Where is she anyway?"

"She'll be here later," James replied, "She's helping a new kid get settled in at the academy."

"Can't wait to see what she gives the little tyke," Garrus said under his breath.

"Baby's first swear jar?" Tali giggled.

They got the go-ahead a few minutes later, and within moments, the room was full of people. Tali put her mask on, not wanting to ingest anything too harmful in the hospital, and so she could hold the baby for as long as she liked. Kate thought Tali would make a good mother someday. She was still up in the air about Garrus' parental ability, considering he _had_ just given her thirty minute old child a sniper rifle.

A few minutes later, an arrangement of flowers arrived with a note.

_Congratulations! Welcome, Lila!_

_Sorry I couldn't be there. Will be out this weekend on the first flight I can catch. Can't wait. _

_Shepard, I've met someone. I think you'll like her. I'll see you all soon. _

_Much love,_

_Aunt Sam_

"From Traynor," Kaitlin informed everyone. "She's coming out this weekend. Looks like she's bringing her new girlfriend."

"And I'll be stopping at the tech store for a new video camera." Joker winked at her, making her scowl at him.

"You're disgusting."

"Old news!" He told her, nonplussed. Kaitlin frowned for a moment, thinking of EDI, who would have loved this. Even though he didn't say so, Kate and Liara knew he was still aching from the loss. No amount of sleeping around was going to bring her back. The software was still there and the voice was still in it, but it wasn't their EDI. Would never _be_ their EDI. In the end, they'd decided not to reboot and the Normandy was once again, a voiceless vessel. Just a ship. Shepard had hoped…_prayed…_that they could bring her back, but it was not to be. Her name now graced the wall with the others who had fallen for the cause.

But, Joker would have to find his own way.

They all would. And Kaitlin had bigger things to worry about…like baby proofing her apartment. (And feeding her damn fish.)

After they'd all gone, it was well past eight in the morning and Kate realized she hadn't slept in a full day. Her limbs were heavy with exhaustion, though she couldn't really complain. Liara had fallen asleep nearly immediately after the room had grown quiet, leaving Lila in the care of her 'father'.

_That _would take some getting used to.

"Kid," Kate murmured to the baby, "See that? That's your mom. She's pretty awesome. I think you'll approve. I guess I'm your dad. Or something like that…where I come from, we'd both be called Mommy, but I guess I really couldn't imagine that. But, let's make a deal, you and I…let's agree to take care of your mom. She's been through a lot in her life…she deserves some happiness. Okay? That's an order." Kate took the baby's balled up fist and gently fist bumped her. "Deal."

"How about we all take care of each other?" Liara sighed sleepily, cracking an eye open. "I'm the Shadow Broker. I don't need to be babied."

"It's still nice to have someone there for you, though," Kate pointed out, bringing her knees up and propping the baby up with them. "You know…I bet I can get some _kick ass_ N7 baby gear."

"Oh good," Liara answered in amusement, "That will go splendidly with her sniper rifle."

"Just wait…in a couple years, Garrus is going to be having tea parties with her and wearing tiaras," Kaitlin grinned, "And payback is a _bitch."_

"You don't even know the start of it," Liara chuckled dryly, "I have classified information that Garrus watched _Fleet and Flotilla…_and sobbed like a baby."

"How do you…?" Kaitlin stopped, shaking her head knowingly.

"Tali…" They said together, sharing a wide grin.


End file.
